A clinical psychologist tells a story of a little girl named Joanna who was allowed to transition at the age of 4 to a ‘boy’ named Joseph.
Except that Joseph is a boy with a secret. Before transition, Joanna was a girl who sometimes wanted to be a boy, and this was out in the open, everyone could talk about it. Now Joseph is treated as a boy, but there’s something different about him and lots of people don’t know this. He knows it, his parents know it, but people aren’t allowed to mention it or ask him how he feels about it. If they do, they’re transphobic. Joseph has a choice and neither of his options are good. Either he pretends there’s nothing different even though he can see there is in the boys’ toilet every day, or he gets increasingly distressed about the fact that everyone is telling him he is a boy, he lives in the world as a boy – but he doesn’t actually have the body of a boy. Usually this is too much for him to deal with and so he blocks it out. He disconnects from his body. Joseph is in a really difficult position. The different facts in his life don’t add up. The adults in his life are telling him that he is a boy, but he can see that he doesn’t have the body of other boys. He will often completely refuse to talk about this. This is interpreted as a sign of his gender dysphoria – he won’t even look at or acknowledge his genitals. His parents will say that they can’t mention it, as he’ll get so upset. Sometimes his parents will tell him stories about how when he grows up he will be able to have surgery and acquire a penis, and because he is a child he believes them utterly, and dreams of the day that he will no longer have to deal with the dissonance between what his family and friends tell him that he is, and the body he knows he has. The dissonance that was set up by his social transition.
But this strategy has an expiration date.
Joseph grows up and for several happy years there are no apparent problems. His parents get heavily involved in the trans community and feel very connected and affirmed in their decision. Joseph loves his short hair and football boots. He’s ‘one of the gang’. Then he gets to age 10, and his breasts start to grow. He’s spent the last six years being told he is a boy. There has been no preparation at all in his childhood for the fact of his biological femaleness. No identifying with female role models, no conversations about what puberty means for girls. That has been something to be denied and ignored, or not talked about at all. And now his breasts start to grow. This is a tender and vulnerable time for all young girls, but for those who have been told they are boys it can be devastating. Social transition has worked for Joseph due to the fact that pre-pubescent boys are very similar to pre-pubescent girls, but now things are going to change. Joseph’s distress becomes intense. They hate their bodies, they hate themselves, they can’t bear the idea of periods and curves. They start to talk about self-harm, of cutting themselves, because they just can’t bear how strong their feelings are. ======= Social transition works so well in the short term, but in the long term there is no way it won’t cause worse distress. Because a childhood isn’t reversible, and this child has spent theirs being told they are of the opposite sex. The time they could have had getting used to their biological reality, they have spent hiding it. They could have been learning that they can express themselves in any way that they want, whether they are female or male – but instead they have been learning to deny the biological reality of their body.
FULL STORY HERE (read the whole thing!)
Final Quote
We need to tell them that they can dream of being everything they want to be, express themselves however they want, but we know they can’t change their sex. We have to tell them this, even if they find it distressing. We need to be able to hold that distress and listen, whilst holding onto reality. For our only other option is to betray our children’s trust in us, and the consequences of that will be lifelong.
Relevant Post From The Past
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As a Classic Christian I encourage everyone to “Embrace, Don’t Affirm.”
Individuals with a Gender Identity Disorder (Gender-Dysphoria) need Truth-filled Love. Please read this post for more details.