Embrace, Don’t Affirm

(Originally posted June 18, 2021)
I ended the last post with a stat from Facebook. That statistic came from 2016, so perhaps the number is even higher today.¹I just found out the number is over 70 today! Of course, this is Facebook. Young people left Facebook a long time ago (in internet time). Tumblr, Reddit, Tiktok, YouTube, Instagram & Snapchat are more their style. And the gender categories celebrated there are head spinning. Let’s just say “gender fluidity” is the norm. Here are a few:

Facebook, today’s hangout for “ole fuddie duddies” had 56 of these in 2016.

56.

Staking out your territory on the gender map has the feel of a competitive sport. Young people have always tried to carve out a niche for themselves, even though, truth be known, they tended to fall into congregational coolness. But today, because of the Internet, their potential universe of “friends” has grown exponentially with increasing variety. Finding someone “just like you” on the Internet is relatively easy. In the past, as a group young people weren’t all that different. Just different from their parents. But today the difference is dangerous in a way that a tattoo, a piercing, or the “Goth” look never was.

***

I do want to be clear about this. Gender dysphoria²Gender Dysphoria — formerly known as “Gender Identity Disorder” is characterized by a severe and persistent discomfort in one’s biological sex. is real. A very small number of people suffer from it. They need all the help we can give them.

If you know someone with gender dysphoria, or even if they just think they have gender dysphoria (most), you should become their friend.  Don’t avoid.  Embrace.  I have atheist friends who are, in my opinion, mentally and morally confused about God.  And they know that I believe that about them.   We are still friends.  Unlike what happened to Rev. Randall, they won’t report me to the authorities because my view of their Atheism makes them uncomfortable.  Or attacks their dignity.  Or their sense of self-worth and well-being.  I still treat them with respect.  I still love them.  And they know it.  They think I’m wrong.  And I think they are wrong.  But we are still friends.   I embrace but I don’t affirm.

Now, of course, gender dysphoria is psychologically debilitating for those who really have it. And, unlike my Atheist friends, someone with gender dysphoria suffers mental anguish.  They need a different kind of help.  But, as a Christian it would not be loving to affirm what I believe is mental and emotional confusion. 

I can love someone with anorexia nervosa³An emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat. (another dysphoria) without affirming her body destroying behavior.  It would be wrong of me to say, “you’re looking good girl, keep going!  I affirm your desire to be more comfortable with your body.”  It would be wrong and unloving to do that.  She hates her appearance and is slowly killing herself.  No matter how strongly she feels about it, I will not affirm that belief. 

But also as a Christian it would be wrong to exclude her from my peer group simply because she is suffering and different. Exclusion may be more “comfortable” for me and my peers but it would be unloving. We must lovingly include her and ask God for practical wisdom as we live together. There are few “hard and fast” rules here. Reaching out and embracing is the overarching rule. The details of how we interact will no doubt vary from situation to situation.

Still a Christian mustn’t lie. A “trans-man” is not really a man. A “trans-woman” is not really a woman. But you don’t need to say everything all at once. Presenting a “solid argument” to someone who is hurting won’t work. Putting your arm around them, walking with them, listening to them, ironically, offering your embodied self to them will work much better. Paul’s great chapter about love in 1st Corinthians, the one you hear at weddings all the time, describes love first and foremost as “Patient.” And then “Kind.” So, by all means, a Christian should patiently, prayerfully embrace. It won’t be easy. But it could work wonders.

***

The comparison between anorexia nervosa & gender dysphoria is appropriate because “transitioning” via puberty blockers, cross-sex hormone treatment and sex-reassignment surgery does real physical and irreversible damage to the body.  Believing in a Creator should keep Christians from affirming those who deny the body God gave them. We certainly can’t affirm their desire to do damage to that body. There are some clinicians and surgeons, Christian and non-Christian, who are getting out of the specialty they trained for because they can’t advise or perform double mastectomies on perfectly healthy breasts. This is not what they “signed up for” they say. They entered their professions to be healers.

Some conscientious professionals who subscribe to the Hippocratic oath, “first do no harm” are being asked to go against their conscience or leave their chosen professional field. Surgeons in the Western world are being told that if they perform double mastectomies on cancer patients then they must perform the same surgery on the perfectly healthy breasts of a young woman who claims she is a man trapped in a woman’s body.

I repeat the question from my post about Rev Randall. Is this the world we want to live in? We need to come up with some answers quick. Things are moving swiftly.

***

A sword of Damocles hangs over many heads now. Professionals are being told they must agree with the patient’s self diagnosis. Those who counsel otherwise, and advise young patients to “wait and see” may lose their license or be fired. I’ll blog about one notable person soon. They are wrongheadedly called “conversion therapists.” Some 19 U.S. states at last count have banned mental health professionals from engaging in so-called “conversion therapy” at the risk of losing their license. The U.K., Canada, and Australia have anti-conversion therapy laws. Conversion Therapy has been used in the past to “convert” homosexuals so the concept packs quite a rhetorical punch when used by Transgender Activists today. However, homosexuals don’t deny their biological sex. This is different.

There are more than a few adult homosexuals, some professional clinicians, who openly thank “their lucky stars” that they were not born in this generation. Had they been, their “gender non-conformity” may have taken them down the Trans path of irreversible bodily alteration.

Apply your practical wisdom to this question, who is the conversion therapist?

Is it the one who is trying to help a person align their thoughts and feelings with the body they were given at birth or the professional who disregards the body and proposes irreversible radical surgeries combined with life-long hormone treatments in hopes of aligning that outer body with a patient’s inner desires?

Who is the conversion therapist here?

Quite an Orwellian twist, don’t you think?

Increasingly the only acceptable approach is the real conversion therapy resulting from the “affirmative care model.”

We are told we should begin our interactions, whether social or professional, with the conclusion. And that conclusion must be that a person has gender dysphoria if they say they have it. Using this “affirmative care model” clinicians are placing our teenagers on an irreversible path after a single counseling session. I’ve lost count of the stories I’ve read or seen in the last 9 months of young people who have come to regret their decision to transition (they are called de-transitioners). They tell stories of how after a single session, a one hour meeting(!) with a clinical therapist they were prescribed puberty blockers and/or cross-sex hormones. As I mentioned in my last post, Oregon’s “age of consent” for certain healthcare services means a self diagnosing 15 year old girl can walk into a Planned Parenthood clinic and receive a dose of Testosterone 40 times the natural female level. A note from a therapist or mom is not required. She just has to sign a consent form (which no doubt has been cleared by lawyers in case a 15 year old regrets her decision and thinks about suing later in life.) After taking “T” for three months her body is forever changed. Double mastectomy is the next step of her transition, halted only by legal-age requirements which are country and state specific.

For natal females in almost every case the combination of puberty blockers to halt natural biological development and treatment with Testosterone causes infertility. And often an inability to experience orgasm in the future. There will be no going back. This is lunacy masquerading as “compassionate patient-centered care.” How many young people do you know who could wisely decide something as monumental, as life altering, as this? But parents are letting them make this choice at earlier and earlier ages because they are being told by health care professionals that their child’s well-being depends upon it. [See this post which rebuts the Suicide Myth.]

Because of the affirmative care model co-morbidities of depression, severe anxiety, autism, are largely ignored and prescribed medical treatments (testosterone or estrogen depending on the natal sex) begin these patients down an irreversible path. This is not how medicine and therapy have ever been practiced.

De-transitioners, those who regret their adolescent choice, and the body disfiguring path they’ve been on, are beginning to cry out. Like Cari. They need to be heard. Sometimes they are mocked by the online Trans community as never being Trans in the first place. Mockery is an art form on the Internet, even by those who claim to be the most tolerant and open to difference. But in spite of the obvious embarrassment of having made such a life-altering decision, de-transitioners courageously step forward to tell their updated story. I’ll highlight some of them in a later post.

We need to listen.

For it is heartbreaking.

I believe most young people claiming gender dysphoria are simply misdiagnosed. And this mad rush toward transition is disfiguring our confused young people. It is hurting them beyond physical repair. For their sake we desperately need to pay attention. Embrace. Don’t affirm.

***

Here’s where I put on my Christian hat again (actually, I never took it off).

Virtually every parent that contacted author Abigail Shrier about their concern for their daughters would self identify as “progressive” or “liberal” on the political spectrum. In telling their stories Shrier hints at the possibility that a lack of boundaries, that is to say a certain “post-modern fluidity” may contribute to their daughter’s initial confusion. She only hints at the possibility. I would do more than hint. Teenagers test boundaries. They press limits. They need guidance from the adults in the room. Unfortunately for some confused teens

What they lack in life experience, they make up for with a sex-studded vocabulary and avant-garde gender theory.  Deep in the caverns of the internet, a squadron of healers waits to advise them. - Abigail Shrier, author of Irreversible Damage.

They need guidance and healing from their Creator in the bodily form of those who know and represent that Creator.

Let me finish with a quote from an influential non-Christian. 20th century Psychologist & Psychotherapist, Carl Jung, discovered the consequences of a fluid outlook on life. Here’s how he puts it:

“I have treated many hundreds of patients, the larger number being Protestants, a smaller number of Jews and not more than five or six believing Catholics.  Among all my patients in the second half of life [that is, over 35], there has not been one whose problem in the last resort was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.  It is safe to say that every one of them fell ill because he had lost that which the living religions of every age had given their followers and none of them has really been healed who did not regain his religious outlook” (emphasis added). --Carl Jung, Swiss Psychologist and Psychotherapist.

***

Jung’s practical wisdom aligns itself with a Classic Christian’s understanding of our Created yet broken world.